Why Would You Want an Independent Celebrant to Conduct Your Wedding?

An independent celebrant opens the door to a truly personalised wedding ceremony honouring each couple's unique beliefs, values, and preferences. They provide the opportunity to design a completely customised ceremony, offering an alternative to the rigid formats of traditional religious or civil ceremonies.

Here are five reasons, along with practical examples, why couples choose to work with an independent celebrant:

Tailored to Your Needs:

Independent celebrants work closely with couples to create a ceremony that reflects their unique story and relationship. They can include heartfelt personal vows, special readings, meaningful music, and rituals that truly resonate with the couple. Let’s explore some examples of these.

Vows and Readings

Here’s an example of vows (in this case, promises) for a fictional couple, William and David. They wanted their vows to be based on the poem, The Key to Love (Author Unknown). Note also the involvement of friends.

William and David, both of you love the poem 'The Key to Love' and wish to base your promises on it. I first ask Henry, Chief Usher, and Daniel, who has meticulously planned today’s events, to share in the reading of this poem.

Henry:

The key to love is understanding... The ability to comprehend not only the spoken word, but those unspoken gestures, the little things that say so much by themselves.

Daniel:

The key to love is forgiveness... to accept each other’s faults and pardon mistakes, without forgetting, but with remembering what you learn from them.

Henry:

The key to love is sharing... Facing your good fortunes as well as the bad, together; both conquering problems, forever searching for ways to intensify your happiness.

Daniel:

The key to love is giving... without thought of return, but with the hope of just a simple smile, and by giving in but never giving up.

Henry:

The key to love is respect... realising that you are two separate people, with different ideas; that you don't belong to each other, that you belong with each other, and share a mutual bond.

Henry and Daniel:

The key to love is inside us all... It takes time and patience to unlock all the ingredients that will take you to its threshold; it is the continual learning process that demands a lot of work... but the rewards are more than worth the effort... and that is the key to love.

William and David, please respond to each of your shared promises by both saying, “We do!”

Do you promise to see the little things that say so much, the silent gestures, not only your words? We do.

Do you promise to value each other’s originality, creativity, ideas, and emotions? We do.

Do you promise to pardon the other’s mistakes and accept that both of you will develop and learn from them? We do.

Do you promise each other love, trust, and support, without expecting anything? We do.

Do you promise to share your lives, in both good and bad times, and to face your challenges together? We do.

Music

William and David walked in together to the music, "Life is a Cabaret" by Liza Minnelli, and walked out to George Michael and Aretha Franklin’s "Knew You Were Waiting For Me." Elsewhere in their ceremony, Sam Smith’s "Stay With Me" and Lady Gaga’s "Shallow" were featured. These were all William and David's favourite artists. In Jenny and Craig’s commitment ceremony (another fictional couple), the song "I’m Gonna Do It All" by Karine Polwart was their walking-out music, as they called this song their 'anthem.'

Rituals

Jenny and Craig chose a family sand ceremony for their big day. They wanted to include Harrison (aged three) and baby Olivia in the proceedings.

Today, Jenny and Craig are celebrating their commitment to each other and the wonderful family they have built.

During this sand ceremony, the family pours four layers of coloured sand into a single vessel, each symbolising individuality and unity.

Craig, please pour your sand into the empty vase, symbolising your love for Jenny.

Craig pours his sand.

Jenny, you may now pour your sand, symbolising your love for Craig.

Jenny pours her sand.

Harrison, you unite your parents' love and bring joy to the family. Please pour your sand.

Harrison pours his sand with help and uses a funnel. He has practised this at home several times.

Olivia, Harrison pours your sand with love and hope for the future.

Harrison pours Olivia’s sand.

As these sands blend, they will not separate again. Just like your family, they stay together forever. The unique colours symbolise your love and the family you have created.

We all wish you a life filled with love, laughter, and joy from your family. Feel free to hug one another.

Flexibility:

Unlike registrars or ministers, celebrants enjoy the freedom of not being bound by legal or religious constraints. Such freedom allows for greater flexibility in the structure, location, and content of the ceremonies, making each one as unique as the couple.

Location and Content

William and David’s ceremony was held in the rose garden at the family home, whereas Jenny and Craig had their ceremony at a yurt site in a twelfth-century chapel. They loved the chapel’s history, peacefulness, and timelessness, and how it connected them to something bigger. They didn’t want vows as part of their ceremony since this wasn’t a wedding; instead, they requested a suitable reading that reflected their commitment to each other and their connection to the earth and nature. The reading Your Love is as the Sea (Author Unknown) was chosen for their big day.

Freedom of Belief:

Couples can choose to include or omit religious, spiritual, or symbolic elements based on their beliefs and preferences, ensuring a ceremony that is just right for them.

Religious, Spiritual or Symbolic Elements

Jenny and Craig didn’t want any religious elements, although as this was a commitment rather than a wedding ceremony, they wanted a handfasting to symbolise their commitment to each other.

Jenny and Craig, as we celebrate your union, let us find inspiration in nature and this beautiful setting. As the sun warms the earth, your love will illuminate each other's lives. Your bond will flourish with the seasons, rooted in love and respect.

Jenny and Craig, would you please hold hands?

Caroline steps forward to take one end of the ribbon, and Sam takes the other.

As Caroline and Sam wrap the ribbon around your hands, remember that this gesture symbolises the intertwining of your lives and commitment to one another. May this bond, like the roots of a mighty tree, be strong and unwavering, always connecting you. As the ribbon ties, your lives intertwine. May your love shine in the darkness, feel like a summer breeze, and warm you like a winter fire. We wish you a journey filled with joy, peace, and love.

Memorable Moments:

Independent celebrants can craft a unique and memorable ceremony that distinguishes itself from traditional wedding formats, showcasing the couple's personality and love story.

Personality and Love Story

William, David, Jenny, and Craig had ceremonies that reflected their personalities. In the case of William and David, they were a flamboyant couple who loved cabaret and drag. Some guests arrived in costumes and others dressed in drag; as noted previously, their musical selections were suitably theatrical. Jenny and Craig focused on earth, nature, their little family, and the house they built together. The tone and content of their ceremony beautifully reflected this. Both ceremonies included references to the couples’ love stories, their lives together, and the challenges they had overcome.

Inclusivity:

Celebrants can customise the ceremony to meaningfully include family, friends, and even beloved pets, making the day feel even more special.

Family, Friends and Pets

As we have already seen, William, David, Jenny, and Craig involved their family and friends in readings, poetry, musical performances, a sand ceremony, and handfasting. William and David’s LGBTQ+ community was well-represented among the invited guests and in the content of the ceremony. Jenny arrived in a cart pulled by her beloved horse. Even the end of William and David's ceremony included all the guests.

Thank you all for coming to share in William and David's special day. Before we invite you all to join in the celebration, I would like you all to stand and pledge to support William and David in their lives together.

Please stand.

At the end of the following question, please shout out, scream or even sing 'We do!':

Do you, William and David's tribe, family, community and generally outrageous bunch, commit to supporting them in their lives together?

'We do!'

Beyond the Wedding

Independent celebrants often establish strong connections with couples, becoming trusted guides throughout the planning journey and beyond. This nurturing relationship fosters a stress-free and enjoyable experience for everyone involved, paving the way for an enduring bond between the celebrant and their clients. In fact, consider wedding celebrants to be family celebrants. Because of the close relationship cultivated between a celebrant and their clients, celebrants are frequently invited back to provide other ceremonies such as namings, vow renewals, and celebrations of life.

And Finally…

As we've discovered, an independent celebrant can create tailored and flexible ceremonies that are truly inclusive and reflect a client's freedom of belief. When couples invite an independent celebrant to help express their unique personality and love story in the ceremonies they design together, there's an array of topics to explore, including their vows, meaningful readings, favourite music, special rituals, beautiful locations, heartfelt content, spiritual elements, and cherished family, friends, and even pets.

Stuart Butterworth – The Caring, Can-do Celebrant